A dog walker accused of not cleaning up after his pet chose the wrong victim to pick on after trying to attack a former serviceman with a wooden plank and a paving slab.
Police said the veteran had “impressive” skills and became “bored” of “repeatedly” disarming him before using “reasonable force” to restrain him until cops arrived.
Matters became worse for the walker, when the co-ordinates of where he was restrained exactly matched the location of his animal’s mess.
The man was then arrested – but not without some red faces on the part of police officers after he wriggled free and made a run for it before smashing face-first into a fence.
The walker was charged with assault and fouling offences after the incident in Alcester, near Solihull, police said in a Facebook post.
They gave the military man the pseudonym of Neo, echoing Keanu Reeves’ character in The Matrix, according to Birmingham Live.
Warwickshire Rural Crime Team posted: “We recently attended an incident in the Alcester area whilst covering a reactive policing shift.
“Following a report of assault, we were surprised when we arrived at the scene and saw what looked like our victim running away from our colleagues.
“Owing to our athleticism and not at all because our runner turned into a garden fence face first, we managed to apprehend the gentlemen and start figuring out what on earth had gone on… So… Our apparent victim, turned out to be our suspect who didn’t want to hang around.
“Having taken his dog for a walk, and being challenged by a member of public for not picking up his dog’s mess, our suspect decided to throw some nasty words and a few punches rather than apologise and do the right thing.
“Having had his punches expertly dodged this should have given our suspect an indication that he had chosen the wrong course of action.
“However, undeterred, he sought help from a nearby plank of wood, followed by a loose paving slab. Our actual victim, who, we shall call Neo, thankfully came out of the incident unscathed, but understandably bored of dodging and repeatedly disarming his attacker. He used reasonable force to restrain our suspect on the floor whilst he waited for police to arrive.
“It is unfortunate for the suspect on this occasion that his victim happened to have an extensive military background and a rather impressive skill set.
“It is also unfortunate that the coordinates of where the suspect was restrained on the floor just so happened to correspond with the exact location of his animals prior bowel evacuation.
“This gentleman was able to reflect on this altogether unfortunate incident in a police cell after a hot shower and will no doubt continue to reflect until he attends court for assault and offences under the dog (fouling of land) act.
“P.s. Warwickshire RCT reserve the right to refuse to answer all questions relating to how a suspect managed to go from being detained by a member of public, to making a run for it in the presence of police officers. Any cake fines related to this incident will have been honoured by the time of this anecdote going to print.”
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