Are you and your partner itching to bring home a puppy or dog?
Before you leap in, dreaming of an idyllic life together, remember that life with a puppy or dog often resembles parenting a toddler—a toddler with sharky teeth who never fully grows up and moves out.
Source: Taryn Elliott/Pexels
Just like raising a child, a puppy or dog means a significant, long-term commitment. Eventually, the initial adrenaline rush and novelty wears off, adolescence arrives, and years of chores and responsibility remain.
By thinking ahead and getting on the same page about pet parenting, couples can improve the odds that joint pet ownership becomes a shared delight, and not a relationship-buster.
What’s your idea of success?
We glimpse an impossibly cute puppy or a beautiful specimen of a breed and suddenly long to make impulsive decisions.
But the responsibility for raising a dependent creature can put stress on a relationship. So be frank with your partner when envisioning what a successful life with a dog would be.
Dogs come in all sizes and shapes. They vary in energy levels and personality, sometimes even within a breed. When you live in tight quarters in a busy place, bringing home a high-strung animal who’s eager to run and who naturally reacts to every little sight and sound can quickly test your relationship’s stress load. What kind of activities do you expect to do with your dog? Do you prefer an easy-going temperament or a live wire dynamo? Ideally, you and your partner agree.
How important are looks?
Do you and your partner agree on what is physically appealing? This is an especially important consideration in dogs because certain physical traits come at a cost. For example, are you willing to spend time and money on grooming a thick, luxurious fur coat? On continually vacuuming the floors?
A dog may look magnificent, but their appearance could reflect extreme breeding practices that carry unwanted side effects, such as frequent joint problems or neurological issues. The big, round smile on short-headed, flat-faced dogs is actually achieved by reducing skull space for their brain and breathing organs. In practical terms, these smiley dogs suffer quickly from exertion, struggle with overheating and shortness of breath, can be less easily trainable, and are likely to incur steep veterinary costs. Are both partners on board with that?
Fine looks are also inseparable from a dog’s inherent genetic circuitry. That big fluffy guardian breed looks like a huggable plush toy, but odds are he takes his job too seriously to enjoy relaxed apartment living or cuddling from strangers. A retriever breed may look sleek and gorgeous but if deprived of appropriate opportunity to practice chasing and mouthing behaviors she enjoys best, she could easily focus that energy elsewhere and become stressed and destructive.
Be honest about your style and expectations
Some of us are social butterflies, eager to meet strangers and explore new places—others are not. The same variation happens in puppies and dogs. Would you and your partner be on the same page about how to approach such challenges? Would you and your partner be able to dial down your own rowdiness and be sensitive to the needs of a shy animal?
One of the challenges of parenting is to accept a vulnerable dependent for who they are and adjust our schedules to prioritize their needs, especially while they are quite young and dependent. You might want to think about whether such neediness makes you or your partner want to step up and protect and nurture them—or feel resentful.
How do you divide up responsibilities?
Daily challenges can accumulate and stress a relationship. How will you and your partner divide up time-sensitive tasks in a way that feels fair and sustainable? Who will be “on duty” for vet visits, house training, morning potty breaks, and foul-weather walks? Can you agree on how much you’re willing to spend on food, or even how much food prep time you’re willing to do?
Someone needs to commit to providing the level of exercise, training, and mental stimulation that your particular dog requires. If you take on a high-maintenance, high-energy, or workaholic animal, will you find a comfortable way to meet the needs of everyone in the household?
What’s your work and living arrangement—now and into the future?
Be up front and frank with each other about the space, time, schedule, and financial resources needed to offer a good quality of life for a puppy or dog—not just for that first cute month or three, but until they’re old and gray.
Does your current apartment or home make it easy to house train and offer your pup reliable, convenient toileting opportunities? Is there a rug or carpet on the floor so a case of zoomies doesn’t cause a dog injury? Is there a spacious, safely fenced area suitable for play and exercise?
Consider how you’ll escort the dog outside for nature exploration and toileting multiple times a day. If you’re an apartment dweller who has to wait for an elevator to go outside, how would you manage during a power outage or when the dog suffers a bout of potty upsets during bad weather?
Parent from the same playbook
Most of all, it’s important for you and your partner to agree on parenting style. When parents agree on expectations and consistently and gently reinforce them, the entire household benefits. Start by setting house rules, such as whether or not you will permit jumping on the couch or sleeping on the bed.
Skillful parents encourage their little ones and actively set everyone up for success. That means giving toddlers, whether two-legged or four-legged, outlets for turbo-charged energy and curiosity, plenty of positive feedback and guidance, plus rest and nap time. Parenting techniques such as these, which are laid out in more detail in my book, can help you and your partner successfully navigate life with a canine dependent.
If life with an unruly canine child ever becomes too challenging, don’t let pride or embarrassment prevent you from looking for a qualified expert who can advise you. A certified, force-free dog professional can help you understand the issue better and identify whether your animal is expressing physical or emotional discomfort, trying to engage socially, or just doing normal doggy things. They’ll teach you proactive, positive steps to meet both your needs and your dog’s needs so you can all enjoy a beautiful life together.
