Dear Annie:
I grew up never allowed to have pets. I’ve been married almost 30 years to a man who allowed me to have a small inside dog, and he doesn’t mind her so much but hates the two we have outside. Both are rescues, one from his oldest son that had him tied to a tree, the other from a rescue group. Both weigh under 7 pounds. He hates them and looks for any excuse to get mad about them. One is a thief but doesn’t chew up her finds. The other digs tiny holes that a pecan can fit in, but not very many, two or three at any given time.
The issue is that, if our granddaughter brings a pet for us to take care of, it can do no wrong because we love our granddaughter, no matter how stinky or destructive the animal. This hurts my heart and makes me feel like he puts up with them because he loves her. What about me? — Protective of Pets
Dear Protective:
It sounds like there’s a significant imbalance in how your husband views your pets compared to those of your granddaughter, which understandably feels personal since your animals mean so much to you. It’s important to address not just the specifics of this pet situation but also your feelings of being underloved in your relationship.
Sit down with your husband to tell him how much it means to you to care for your animals and how it hurts to feel like this interest of yours is not reciprocated. Encourage him to engage more with the pets with the hope that it might make him feel more connected to them, just as he feels connected to your granddaughter’s pets, and see what boundaries there are to set to make him feel more comfortable having the dogs in your shared space. May this raw, candid conversation be a step toward understanding each other better and strengthening your marriage.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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