Welcome to the weekend!
Today is Fish Tank Floorshow Day. Well, technically, tonight is Fish Tank Floorshow Night (that’s what the holiday is called — guess there’s not a Fish Tank matinee), but it feels weird to greet you all in the morning by hoping you have a good night. Not that I haven’t gone to sleep at this hour myself on occasion.
My initial assumption was that Fish Tank Floorshow was some kind of terrible jam band I’ve never heard of on account of the fact that I have good taste in music, or at least some kind of Weekee Wachee thing where people dress up like fish and dance like the Rockettes underwater, but according to the random holiday site I found:
Fish Tank Floorshow Night is celebrated on September 28. It’s a night dedicated to making the fish species the main attraction. The quiet and beautiful animals in the corner of the room take the stage for the night. […]
Fish Tank Floorshow Night is a holiday dedicated to making fish the center of attention for one night. It was copyrighted by Thomas and Ruth Roy. Fish are very important to us. Not only are they a source of food, but we also keep them as pets and they help strike a balance in our ecosystem.
Who the hell are Thomas and Ruth Roy? Glad you asked. They are a couple from Lebanon, Pennsylvania, whose hobby is making up batshit sounding holidays and then copywriting them. Is there money in that? I’m not sure. But they’ve got about 80 of them.
But they do have some bangers!
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Dec 5: Bathtub Party Day
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Feb 20: Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo-Day
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Mar 3: What if Cats & Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day
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Apr 26: Hug an Australian Day
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Jun 2: Yell “Fudge” at the Cobras in North America Day
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Aug 8: Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors' Porch Day
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And so on …
Some of you have probably already guessed what your first present is going to be, and YES, it is the rapping shark song from my favorite thing in the whole world — the Italian cartoon about the Titanic in which everyone lives because of how they are saved by a baby giant squid. (There is another Italian cartoon about the Titanic in which everyone survives, but that one has a rapping dog.)
Your next present is something I came across when I was initially going to celebrate Ghost Hunting Day instead, and I’m going to share it with you anyway because it is an episode of a horror anthology series called Ghost Story, written by Robert Bloch and produced by William Castle and starring Jodie Foster, and I haven’t watched it yet but that just sounds amazing.
I love William Castle an entirely unreasonable amount.
And, finally, a commercial for a well-named fish deboning tool.
“My wife would like that!” he says.
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Or if you’d just like to donate just once …
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You can even send us paper checks to:
Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238
Talk amongst yourselves!
