Dear Annie: I grew up never allowed to have pets. I’ve been married almost 30 years to a man who allowed me to have a small inside dog, and he doesn’t mind her but hates the two we have outside. Both are rescues, one from his oldest son that had him tied to a tree, the other from a rescue group. Both weigh under 7 pounds. He hates them and looks for any excuse to get mad about them.
The issue is that, if our granddaughter brings a pet for us to take care of, it can do no wrong because we love our granddaughter, no matter how stinky or destructive the animal. This hurts my heart and makes me feel like he puts up with them because he loves her. What about me?
— Protective of Pets
Dear Protective: Sit down with your husband to tell him how much it means to you to care for your animals and how it hurts to feel like this interest of yours is not reciprocated. Encourage him to engage more with the pets with the hope that it might make him feel more connected to them, just as he feels connected to your granddaughter’s pets, and see what boundaries there are to set to make him feel more comfortable having the dogs in your shared space. May this raw, candid conversation be a step toward understanding each other better and strengthening your marriage.
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Dear Annie: My husband of 35 years has taken to letting himself go. We are both in our 60s and have, in the past, enjoyed hiking, walking around our neighborhood and getting some exercise. He is a recovered alcoholic and has a powerful taste for sweets, eating them often and usually clandestinely. He has gained a fair amount of weight and has had some recent problems with his knees and one hip.
I have suggested exercise and a sensible diet, but he does not seem to find it an important suggestion. We have good insurance, although he does not see a doctor or dentist. He hobbles when he walks now.
Should I let him be? I am tired of telling him how I feel regarding this issue and know I will soon be a widow.
— Impending Widow
Dear Impending Widow: Your concerns are both valid and pressing. Perhaps getting your husband to agree to a health checkup under the guise of routine care will lead to natural conversations about his diet and exercise with a professional.
Let him know how much you value your time together and your future, emphasizing that his health directly affects the quality and longevity of your shared life. At the end of the day, it’s simple: You love him and don’t want to lose him. This might make the situation more relatable and urgent, inspiring him to make changes.
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