It’s Raining [Lies About] Cats and Dogs

Anna Kilgore, of Springfield, Ohio, called the cops. She couldn’t find her cat, Miss Sassy. Anna suspected that her neighbors, who are Haitian, had eaten the cat.

Ohio Senator and Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance sprang into action. On September 9th, he tweeted: “Months ago I raised the issue of Haitian illegal immigrants draining social services and generally causing chaos all over Springfield, Ohio.

“Reports now show that people have had their pets abducted and eaten by people who shouldn’t be in this country. Where is our border czar?”

The next day, during the presidential debate, Republican nominee Donald Trump treated the alleged canis- and felisophagy as a burgeoning national security threat:

“In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs, the people that came in. They’re eating the cats. They’re eating… they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” *

The luckless co-moderator David Muir—his task akin to herding cats—gamely quoted a statement from Springfield’s City Manager: “There have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community.” Trump, clearly unimpressed with this definitive statement from an informed and authoritative source, interrupted to say, “Well, I’ve seen people on television… the people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.”

JD Vance’s campaign gave a copy of the initial Springfield Police report on Kilgore’s cat to the Wall Street Journal. Its reporter went old-school and interviewed Kilgore. She said the missing Miss Sally had apparently been safe in her own basement all along.

Such fact-based behavior cuts no ice with the Vance campaign. It called Springfield City Hall on September 9th, and was told that there had been no reports of pets being eaten. Undaunted by this absence of corroboration, Vance went ahead and posted anyway.

Over the weekend, CNN’s Dana Bash cited Springfield City officials, who reiterated that they had no evidence which would back up the claims Vance and his running mate have been braying so loudly.

Vance replied to Bash, “If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that’s what I’m going to do.”

Following this furor over fictional pet predation, Springfield suffered a genuine wave of more than 30 bomb threats. Fortunately, the threatened bombs appeared to be fictional, as well. Asked if he bore any responsibility for the unrest—six schools closed, a diversity festival cancelled—Vance said no, and blamed foreign instigators.

Clearly, the GOP ticket is going into the final stretch of this election with a remarkable degree of internal unity: neither Trump nor Vance is the least bit concerned about whether anything they say is true or not.

That indifference seems well-grounded. The New York Times has just published excerpts of new book, Lucky Loser, by two of its reporters, Russ Buettner and Susanne Craig. It compiles, in one vast, fetid, well-documented heap, the lies that allowed Donald Trump to project for decades a false image of great wealth and success. Reviewing this 519-page doorstop, Bethany McLean writes that Trump is “a creation of the media, which… ‘rarely revisited his claims and afforded credibility to everything he said.’ As it turns out, unfortunately, what the media giveth the media cannot taketh away.”

Being exposed as a serial liar used to bode ill for a candidate’s chances. That era is clearly over. Trump/Vance voters don’t care about lies any more than the candidates. At least among Republicans, politics is no different from pro wrestling, and the audience loves the kayfabe.

Where does all this leave us? Facing 46 days of deep uncertainty between now and November 5th. Then comes the election—which may provide no relief. Instead, it may well be followed by a period of even greater uncertainty.

Thanks to the wisdom of our Founding Fathers—all alpha males, no doubt brimming with testosterone, the better to maintain order and profitability back home on the plantation—and the Constitution they bequeathed to us—now apparently beyond the reach of amendment—seven states will decide the election: seven opportunities for Republican lawyers and election officials to manufacture uncertainty about who won.

The challenge is real, and attitude alone can’t defeat these liars—but the situation does seem to call for a cat lady with some sass.

* We normally find listening to the former president to be a painful experience. A person calling himself “Loudmouth Pastor,” however, has achieved the impossible. He has remixed this line into a surprisingly catchy reggae-inflected tune which is worth a listen:  https://tinyurl.com/y8r5sab9.