The reason that losing a dog often feels harder than losing a relative or a friend is, I think, because the way that they love us is so uncomplicated. Their simple request in life is that you love them back — and with that there’s something so honest and pure. They don’t care who you are: even if you are the Queen of England. And Beth, the Queen’s Jack Russell who died last week, certainly didn’t care about her owner’s royal status; she just appreciated the love.
Queen Camilla adopted Beth in 2011 from Battersea Cats and Dogs Home. I’m an ambassador for the Dogs Trust and I often point out that we think we’re the ones that are saving our adopted dogs, when actually they’re the ones that are saving us. No doubt the Queen felt this way about Beth, who would often join her on royal engagements.
The other reason why losing a dog is so painful is because they’re an extension of our own identity. We share so much with them: the same house, sometimes even the same bed. With many relatives or friends you only bond and reconnect in small moments, but dogs are so deeply woven into our daily lives.
The Queen, Middleton and his mother, Carole, at Princess Charlotte’s christening in 2015
CHRIS JACKSON/GETTY IMAGES
Many people will have been through this type of bereavement but it’s always so personal. Every dog and connection to them is unique. The Queen will never have another Beth. And I will never have another Ella, the cocker spaniel I loved, who saved me from my depression and who I lost in 2023.
The beauty of a dog is that it can have multiple relationships. Ella had a unique relationship with my parents and my sisters, Pippa and Catherine, as well as my brothers-in-law. In my book Meet Ella, I talk about how she helped William get out of playing our family card game, Racing Demon, which he found a little too vicious. He would instead spend time playing with Ella, who understood perfectly her assignment in that moment.
More seriously, my mother knew that when I was in the darkest of places, she could rely on Ella. She knew Ella was looking out for me. I continue to grieve for my dog and I’m not afraid to admit that. But here are some lessons I’ve learned from losing her that I hope will help others who are going through the same thing.
Beth accompanied the Queen on royal engagements
STEVE PARSONS/PA
Marking their passing will be hard, but cathartic
The hardest moment for me was the burying of Ella. That was when I was most inconsolable. I had a ceremony, and the process of putting her into the ground then covering her with soil was just horrible. My sisters joined with their partners and children; they saw Uncle James crying and they shared in my grief.
As I was putting the soil over her, in this hole that I dug by hand, I didn’t want to leave her alone. I couldn’t come inside. I just couldn’t. I filled up the grave and I couldn’t leave. I sat there for hours and hours and lit a torch lantern, because I didn’t want it to be dark.
It was unbelievably sad. But I look back on it with a smile on my face, because I was so lucky to have had her. It was definitely a helpful process. I got a headstone for her: this wonderful headstone made out of Lakeland slate.
Don’t rush into getting another dog …
I respect the fact that Ella has gone but I still delve into my phone and look at videos of her. The sadness comes, but with it there’s also this wonderful sort of nostalgic serotonin rush. Everyone’s different. It was reported yesterday that the King and Queen are planning to get a new dog. That will work for many people but it wasn’t the right approach for me, I wanted to fill that void with memories and appreciation for Ella, before considering another dog.
… but do help another dog
There are some wonderful things that you can do in the grieving process, and one of them is to help another dog. Through charities like the Dogs Trust, you can make a donation to help support a dog who is perhaps not in a fortunate position to have a home. You can help them get closer to finding a home and the same kind of relationship that you are mourning.
Middleton with his wife Alizee and Ella
Keep up some routines
Continue to go for a walk with or without a dog. Print out a few pictures that make you smile and bring back good memories, put them in your pocket and go for a walk and think about the times you shared.
Embrace the feeling
Like anything, you can’t sweep grief under the carpet or bottle it up. It will just come back in another form. So embrace it. Grieving is a consequence of love.
Beth was a rescue dog, adopted by Camilla from Battersea
STEVE PARSONS/PA
Write things down
And not just about the good times. Write about the bad times, when they chewed one of your favourite shoes or had an accident on the sofa or whatever it might be. Write about when they first came home and all the times you shared together. Write about everything.
And be sure to share your story
I have written an entire book about Ella and while this won’t be for everyone, one shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell people you are grieving. I respect the presenter Monty Don, who also shared his pain when he lost his golden retriever Nell in the same year Ella died. We have bonded over that. Although your connection is unique, sharing your story is enormously helpful.
