What It’s Like to Lose a Pet: 4 Lessons About How We Grieve

More than half of people worldwide have a pet, and pet ownership continues to rise. For many, pets are beloved family members. We turn to them for emotional comfort and a simpler, purer form of love. Research consistently shows that pet owners describe their animals as sources of unconditional love, constant presence, and companionship. They're our fur babies, our best friends, and our most loyal confidants.

But pets have shorter lifespans than we do. And when life follows the natural course, pet owners are typically left to face the heartbreaking reality of losing them.

What is it like to lose a pet?

This was the central question of an exploratory study led by researcher Azmi Subha Adil Paramarta of Universitas Gadjah Mada in Indonesia. To pursue this question, she and her team surveyed 101 participants who completed questionnaires about their relationships with their pets and their experiences of grief. Most participants were women between the ages of 18 and 24. While cats were the most commonly mourned animal, the study also included people grieving dogs, rabbits, and birds.

What did the researchers find?

By analyzing participants' narratives, the researchers identified four key themes that capture the emotional experience of pet bereavement. Paramarta and her collaborators' findings are summarized below.

Theme 1: Bereavement reactions

The researchers identified four grief responses—emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and physical. These reactions were intense, and in keeping with those experienced after the loss of a human loved one. Common responses included anxiety, loneliness, difficulty concentrating, searching behavior, and feelings of unworthiness. One participant reflected:

“I am a veterinarian, and I had a Labrador who was seven years old. Six years ago, it passed away due to leptospirosis, and as a vet, I couldn’t save my own dog… To this day, I still don’t treat small animals… I only treat farm animals… I lost confidence in myself.”
—Female, 38, grieving the loss of a dog

Theme 2: Coping with bereavement

Participants used two main types of coping strategies:

• Engagement coping, which involves actively working through grief. This entailed:
  • Memorializing the pet and continuing the bond.
  • Caring for a new pet that reminded them of the one they lost.
  • Reminiscing about positive memories.
  • Expressing emotions (i.e., catharsis).
  • Turning to spiritual practices (e.g., prayer or meditation).
• Disengagement coping, which involves avoiding or distancing from grief. This included:
  • Distraction (e.g., watching movies).
  • Avoidance (e.g., purposely not thinking about the pet or avoiding reminders).
  • Surrendering (letting the grief pass with time).

Theme 3: Support systems

Support from others played a crucial role in how people processed their loss. Three types of support emerged:

• Emotional support: such as condolences and validation of feelings.
• Instrumental support: tangible help (e.g., supporting the bereaved during recovery) or gifts (e.g., financial assistance to adopt a new pet).
• Informational support: guidance, such as how to adopt another pet.

Primary sources of support included family, friends, and partners. Secondary sources came from broader communities—including those connected through a shared love for animals.

Theme 4: Self-growth

Despite the pain, some participants reported experiencing personal growth in the wake of their loss. This growth included:

• Accepting emotions related to grief (i.e., sadness).
• Acceptance of the loss.
• Developing greater awareness of animal welfare (e.g., taking better care of animals).

As one participant expressed:

“Adopting abandoned cats. After losing my cat, I felt better by taking care of abandoned cats.” —Female, 21, grieving the loss of a cat

Conclusion

Pet loss can be just as devastating as the loss of a human loved one. Some say it is even worse. Studies like this can help to validate this experience—and shed light on how people cope, grow, and honor their special bond. For anyone who has grieved a pet, you’re not alone.